Several years ago, I complained to my late father-in-law about my SPLAT, which I believed was incredibly unfair as much as it was life-altering.  After I explained my plight, he wisely said, “I think I know what your problem is.  You really don’t deserve this do you?” 

“You’re right,” I answered.  “I really don’t deserve this!” 

“Okay,” he continued, “let me remind you of what you have that you really don’t deserve.  You don’t deserve the next breath you’re about to breathe.  You don’t deserve your wife, your kids, your home.  You don’t deserve your abilities to teach, write, create, design, and build curriculum.  You don’t even deserve to think coherently.  In fact, you could have been born deformed or diseased or seriously handicapped; you could have come with such defects that you would never have married, had kids, traveled the world, or managed a single person or product.  Instead, you could have had to wipe spittle off your chin every minute of your life, or worse, you could have lived your life incapacitated, depending on the kindness of someone else to bathe you, feed you, change your diapers every day of your life.  No, you don’t deserve all your blessings, Daniel.  What you really deserve is NOTHING, and for everything above that, you would do well to be grateful!”

I had gone to him for sympathy, not realizing that his sympathy could have destroyed me.  What I got—thanks to his courage—was a good dose of wisdom, and I determined in that moment that his rebuke would not be wasted.  His wise perspective grew, forced out my feelings of victimhood, and eventually provided a harvest of pure joy.

You may have heard that happiness is not found in having what you want, but in wanting what you have!  That’s true.  If you value the pain in your gain, you cannot hate it.  If you accept and endure your trial, you will learn to appreciate the value of suffering.  And once you appreciate the value of your pain, you’ll be able to suffer it gladly, and you will learn everything it was intended to teach you, including patience and joy!  However, you will never enjoy the benefits of delayed gratification if your focus is on what you believe is fair or what you think you deserve.  Selfish perspectives always set you up for the frustration and unhappiness of unfulfilled expectations.  A wise perspective will always make you grateful and happy with the blessings you’ve been given.